the boring life of Emily.

I really wish Christmas would come. I have been dying to listen to "War is Over" by John Lennon, but I can't seem to hit play. I guess it's because it isn't December yet. No sense in getting excited for something that won't be happening for nearly a month and a half. I still can't believe that I'm seventeen. My mother keeps saying, "Well Em, when will you go and see your first rated R movie in the theatre?" Little does she know that I have seen countless rated R movies, just by sneaking in. I won't tell her that. She doesn't really believe in breaking the rules. I have decided recently that I will stop being so down on myself, because in reality all my problems are so little that it is absolutely ridiculous. Ten years from now I know that I will be laughing my butt off at how much I let things upset me.

Other than that, my life has been pretty uneventful lately. I threw a surprise birthday party for my Mother last friday, which was fun because I haven't seen my mom look that happy since my Grandmother died. Speaking of my Grandmother, I had a dream about her the night before my birthday. I haven't had a dream about her since last Christmas. I was starting to forget the sound of her laugh.

peace and love.

seventeen

so i guess you could say that I haven't really been acting like myself lately. I've been busy and stressed. I've been depressed and lazy. It's starting to scare me. I want to be like my old self, and happy about every little thing like I once used to be. I think it's just me being sixteen. The only truly exciting thing for me what I was sixteen was that I finally became a licensed driver.

So, on Thursday I will turn seventeen, and I'm bound and determined to make seventeen a great year for me. I want to be able and look on good memories that happened when I was seventeen. I want to tell my children, "Well when I was seventeen I finally did this." "When I was seventeen I finally went there and it was absolutely amazing."

I want to laugh again and not have to worry about school. I'm so sick and tired of school. I need to kick out my worst habit: procrastinating. I need to stop saying, "oh it'll work it's way out." Because in reality, things don't work themselves out. You need to work them out. I guess I've been creating my own problems lately, and it needs to stop, because I'm not happy.

So. Tonight I decided that I'm finally going to be different and happy and interesting. I want to be so interesting that It makes people want to know more about me. When I turn seventeen I'm going to do everything I want without second guessing myself.

And how did I start this off tonight as I decided to be myself again? Well I drove around town listening to the Beatles, and it felt pretty damn good, if I say so myself.

i'm not good enough.

hiiiii. sorry i haven't been blogging much lately. i haven't really been in the best mood lately. i've been hating my school and the people that go there. i feel like there are more skanks and players at my school then there are actual people. i just am so tired of the same monotonous routine of my life. i'm tired of waking up, grouchy because it's so early. i'm tired of school. home. homework. sleep. repeat.

i just feel that i'm sometimes not good enough for some people that i see everyday. especially boys. i get so heartbroken when i try to look pretty for a guy, and he hardly even noticies me, but yet he continues to kiss some other girl's ass, one of which isn't even that nice.

i mean i don't know whats wrong with me. i mean im not drop dead gorgeous or anything, but i think im pretty descent and i'm not mean like some of the girls that get guys left and right. i mean i just wish i would hear someone say that they thought i was cute, or nice. i don't know. i'm just tired of being only "there".

i was talking to this one guy, almost dating for a year. he never asked me out. and i don't know what i did wrong. he never wanted to hang out with me. maybe i wasn't pretty enough. maybe i wasn't fun enough. he probably knew i wouldn't hook up with him. i guess i don't need him in my life anyways, but still you get the picture.

i mean i think i'm pretty interesting. i think i'm funny, but i feel that no one even gives me a chance. and its not fair because i could be really cool person and funny and nice and interesting...

and even the boy i like right now, he's major popular and has a ton of girls that like him. One of which, Gloria. Apparently shes trying super hard to get him to like her. and she will, because she gets everything she wants and his seriously gorgeous. i can't compete with that.

and he'll get her, because i'm emily, the uptight girl who never gets anyone.

high schoolers grinding on middle schoolers? ew!

so yesterday i had to work this seventh and eighth grade dance at my school for service hours. I was already dreading it, even before I had arrived. I mean who would want to spend their saturday night watching seventh and eighth graders dance? The only person I really was excited to hang out with was my friend lilly, who was also working the dance for service hours.

The other three that were working it, are people that I talk to, but just have the tendency to get on my last nerve. One of them was Simon who was a boy that I sat next to in two of my classes, but he always went out of his way to tell me that I was "uptight", or he asks me if I take Vitamin B, (bitch) before I come to school. Sorry, I just don't think he needs to constantly make fun of people.

The other two people, Sierra and Caroline are two girls that are just plain rude and annoying. Sierra had broken up with her last boyfriend because he was black, and according to her, he wasn't safe to date.. just because he was black. And carloine, well shes just opinionated and doesn't know how to keep her comments to herself.

Well, apparently they all thought it would be fun to yell at all the seventh and eighth graders if they weren't dancing. Okay, I'm sorry I just think it's rude to yell at them. I remember being in their shoes and have people yell at me to dance. I just got really embarassed at dances. i never danced right away when I got there, and I had to be in a circle with my friends so no one could see my awful rhythm.

So when Simon told me that I needed to yell at them to dance, I said no. I wasn't going to yell and scream like he and Sierra were.
"Emily seriously this is why you don't have a boyfriend. You need to let loose." Simon said to me.
"Letting loose is not yelling at middle schoolers to dance, Simon. That's being rude."
Then, apparenly Sierra decided that she wanted to act cool, and yelled, "THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE? STOP ACTING LIKE A FREAKIN GRANDMA. GO AND GRIND ON THOSE MIDDLES SCHOOLERS NOW, OR YOU CAN LEAVE."

okay that pissed me off.

"um excuse me but i don't really think we were talking to you, let alone I don't think anyone told you that you were in charged. If you want to go out there and look like a skank and grind on seventh and eighth graders, then thats fine, I just decide that I have respect for myself and aren't going to do that. So why don't you leave and mind your own damn business Sierra. No one was talking to you."

So then that pissed her off, so she went and named herself DJ of the dance. And she was awful. People were complaining, even LEAVING the dance. The middle schoolers were requesting that we play something fun and something that has a good beat, not lame techno music that she was playing, so when she wasn't looking I put in my Michael Jackson CD and played thriller.

And everyone loved it. So then I ended up DJing the rest of the dance. SO HA!

i hate ignorant people.

sorry if i don't like chugging bud light.

i'm mad at the world right now. I'm mad that I was late to school and missed the spirituality meeting, and I'm the president which makes it ten times worse that I wasn't there. I'm mad that I re-took my chemistry test and I still failed it. who cares about two step conversions anyways? i'm mad that i have to sketch six designs for tomorrow's graphics class. i'm mad that its cold outside and I can't take my dog for a walk. i'm mad that gas prices are so damn expensive. i'm mad that i have a white car and my friend chipped the paint on it today after school. i'm extremely mad and hurt that i looked extra pretty today for a guy that didn't even look my way in class today. i'm mad that report cards come out this week. im mad that i take things for granted.

i'm so selfish aren't i? im complaining about a failing grade or a boy. a boy of which had pretty blonde hair and is on the football team. a boy that doesn't even matter. there so much worse that could go wrong with my life, and hear i am complaining. you who is reading this probably thinks i'm some stuck up spolied brat that complains about everything. i promise you that that is no where to being true.

i'm just having a bad day, and when something wrong happens and doesn't go my way i think of everything else that is bad in the world and i get mad at that, and it just keeps piling up. i'm sorry.

but i'm pretty sure that people think im boring and weird and have nothing to do on the weekends. someone told me today that they thought i was boring because i don't drink or smoke. sometimes i hate being the good girl, because i feel that no one likes me, because im not into what they do on the weekends. i like to watch old movies and listen to the beatles and i sometimes feel the need to bake cupcakes on no given occassion. i like to watch football with my father, and then cry and complain at how bad the cleveland browns suck.i think im fun. i like to write and read and draw and create things. i can listen to "hear comes the sun" at least a hundred times and not get tired of it. i tell my mother everything and i have a strangely weird bond with puppy. i like to make collages and i hate trigonometry.

sorry if i'm boring because i don't like to chug bud light down my throat or i don't have a weed stash located in my damn basement. sorry if i don't think making jew jokes or homeless jokes are funny. sorry if i like to study because i care about getting into a good college, and i'm sorry if i don't flip up my skirt for you in the cafeteria during lunch.sorry if i'm not sickly skinny like the other girls in my grade. i actually like to eat and i occassionally stuff my face with cherry laffy taffy's and/or sour skittles.

i just wish i would meet someone who understands me and accepts me for what i like. i'm tired of being the only person who has morals.

hear i thought i was fun and entertaining and funny and amusing, apparently im no such thing.